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5 Questions to Uncover Your CORE VALUES

5 Questions to Uncover Your CORE VALUES

by | Motivation, Self Worth

Core values are words that describe a person’s inner compass. Core values provide people with direction when they feel stuck, lost, or at a crossroads. They help you prioritize what’s really important in life. They reflect what gives a person their sense of meaning and purpose.

 

Values are different than goals, because you can’t check them off a to-do list. They are an ongoing, lived-out state of being. They aren’t something you do just once! A person living a value-driven life can more easily weather ups and down, even during those times that goals get derailed. They’re able to reorient to what’s most important to them because these values are a constant force of character.

 

Values differ from person to person, and even those with similar values might disagree in how they prioritize one over the other.

 

To help you identify your core values, you’ll find 5 reflection questions below. Write out your answers to the prompts, if you’re ready!

 

  1. Looking back on your life, describe a “mountaintop” experience. This is a moment when you felt the most joyful, exuberant, and on top of the world. What were you doing? Who were you with? How did you get to this point?

 

  1. Imagine yourself at your 90th birthday. What do you want to be remembered for? What will you look back on and think– “Yes! That was worth it!”

 

  1. If you were to unexpectedly inherit $50 million dollars, how would you spend the money? What would you do with your time if you no longer needed to work to earn money?

 

  1. Who are the two people in your life that you most admire? What qualities do you see in them that you aspire to?

 

  1. Think about a challenge you’ve experienced in the past. How were you able to get through? What strengths did you exhibit that may have helped you overcome that hard struggle?

 

After answering the questions above, take a look at this list of Core Values, produced by Living More, LLC.  See if you can identify the 3-5 top values for each of the writing prompts, which should give you a total of 15-25 top values. Then, from those top ranking values, try to narrow them down to a Top 5.

 

What’s next? You can create a personal mission statement formed from your top 5 values. It could start as simply as this: “It’s my mission in life to…..”  If you’d like help exploring your values or processing your personal sense of purpose in life, a professional counselor is able to help.

How to Get the Most Out of Counseling

How to Get the Most Out of Counseling

by | Counseling

Most people start the counseling process with a readiness for change. Some may not know the specifics yet for how they’d like that change to look (maybe that’s why they’re in therapy), but in some way, they are not 100% satisfied with the status quo.

When you step through the doors of our counseling office, we know you are sacrificing your time, emotional energy, and finances to work toward your change goals. You are intentionally prioritizing your mental health and well-being. You are worth it! We want you to get the most out of your sacrifice.

In this article, I’ll outline a few tips that will help maximize your time in therapy, so you can get the most out of your journey in counseling.

 

BE YOURSELF. Counseling is a place where you don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to put on a happy face (unless you genuinely feel happy!). It’s okay to say “I don’t know” and it’s okay to say “This conversation is hard for me.” It’s okay to giggle, have your mind go blank, burst out in tears, or speak an unpopular opinion. The confidential nature of therapy is part of what makes it a safe space to be yourself. A good counselor will offer a non-judgmental, supportive setting.

 

DO THE HOMEWORK. Often, the most beneficial work of therapy happens outside of the therapy office, where you apply the concepts you are working on in the real world. You will get the most out of therapy if you are giving the homework a try. Hopefully, you will find most of the homework to be helpful; however, sometimes it might only partially help and other times it might not help at all. The results of your effort matter. Your counselor will ask about what happened–what worked and what did not work. This will help you and your counselor to troubleshoot coping skills, tailoring them more specifically to where you are getting stuck.

 

GIVE HONEST FEEDBACK. Counselors are not psychics; they cannot always know you are struggling, confused, holding back, or stumped unless you say it out loud. Sometimes counselors will tread on ground that you might not be prepared to discuss yet. Your honest feedback is welcome and will help you progress at a pace that fits your readiness.

 

ATTENDANCE COUNTS. Clients tend to make the most progress when they are meeting with their counselor on a weekly or every-other-week basis to start. Once-a-month therapy is typically reserved for clients who have achieved most of their goals and are only fine-tuning subtle points. Missed appointments = Missed momentum.

 

REVIEW BIG-PICTURE GOALS. As therapy progresses, it can be extremely helpful to pause periodically, zoom out, and take a look at the bigger picture. Where have you come? And where are you headed? Often, clients are so caught up in this week’s problem and this week’s to-do list that they lose track of the progress they’ve made over time. Your counselor is like a time capsule that can remind you of where you were when you first started, the steps you took to get where you are, and the strengths they’ve observed. Revisiting treatment goals can also help you identify specific areas where you have ongoing work to do. It is important for you and your counselor to be on the same page about how to prioritize your work.

 

Check out our FAQ page to review other commonly asked questions about the counseling process. You don’t need to have it all figured out before you schedule that first appointment. It’s natural to have lingering questions and even fears about starting counseling. Your readiness for change is what matters most! We’ll be here to help.

THOUGHT DEFUSION: An Alternative Approach to Handling Intrusive Negative Thoughts

THOUGHT DEFUSION: An Alternative Approach to Handling Intrusive Negative Thoughts

by | Coping, Depression, Obsession

Automatic negative thoughts are a natural part of the human experience. For the most part, we don’t conjure them up or think them on purpose. They happen instinctively.

 Negative thoughts get directed toward ourselves (“I can’t believe I’m running late again today! I’m going to get fired!”), toward others (“There’s Jim, walking in late; he’s so lazy.”), and toward our environment (“Stupid Portland traffic! It’s making me late!”). Sometimes negative thoughts are so pervasive that they can tank your mood for the day, or leave you stuck in a spiral of worries. These natural, instinctive thoughts can take on a life of their own!

In the book, “The Happiness Trap,” Steven C. Hayes describes what happens when we become “fused” with our negative thoughts:

  • Thoughts are reality: as if the awful thing we are imagining is actually happening
  • Thoughts are the truth: we completely buy-in
  • Thoughts are important: we treat them seriously and urgently, giving them our full attention
  • Thoughts are orders: we must obey them
  • Thoughts are wise: we assume they know best and we follow their advice
  • Thoughts are threats: we let them bother us or terrify us

He suggests that some “fused” thoughts may be helpful and others might not be as helpful. Those thoughts that ARE helpful and constructive are worth giving your time and emotional energy. For example, the thought that says “I can’t believe I’m running late again today” might prompt you to examine your morning routine, adjusting it to allow for more margin.

On the other hand, some thoughts are downright self-defeating and serve no useful purpose but to shame you, worry you, or leave you feeling stuck. It’s up to you to determine which thoughts are, in fact, not helpful. Those will be the thoughts you might be ready to “defuse” or disconnect from.

Here are some creative strategies for creating distance for those pesky negative thoughts that you need some space from:

  • Label your thoughts as thoughts (Example: “I’m having a thought that I’m worthless” feels different than “I’m worthless”).
  • Imagine your thoughts like clouds in the sky, just passing by. They can come and go as fast or slow as they please, simply watch and observe them without judgment. Become a fly on the wall observing thoughts, labeling them (“there’s a thought”), and letting them go on their way. Some thoughts are recurring visitors, appearing over and over. That’s okay! You can simply notice them and watch them pass on by.
  • Try out one of your particularly “fused” negative thoughts using the voice of a movie or cartoon character (how does it feel differently to say the negative thought using the voice of Micky Mouse or the voice of Al Pacino from The Godfather?).
  • Try singing the thought to the tune of “Happy Birthday” or “Jingle Bells.” Does it still feel the same?
  • Don’t only observe your thoughts, but also try shifting your focus to observing your body. Notice your breath–See if you can track your breath from the moment it enters your nose (cool and refreshing) to the moment it exits your mouth (warm and rushing). Notice how your feet feel in your shoes, where you feel tension, and where you feel at ease.

If you’d like to learn more about thought defusion, “The Happiness Trap” is an excellent resource guide. Thought defusion skills are an integrated part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is another therapeutic approach that has been specifically designed for helping shift unhelpful, negative thought patterns in a more direct manner. A professional counselor can guide you in customizing coping skills so that you can shift out of negative thought ruts and feel free from their persistent haunting.

Quotes to Inspire Self-Acceptance

Quotes to Inspire Self-Acceptance

by | Depression, Self Acceptance, Self Worth

“You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.”
Brene Brown

“The hardest challenge is to be yourself in a world where everyone is trying to make you be somebody else.” 
E.E. Cummings

 

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Dr. Seuss

“Once you accept the fact that you’re not perfect, then you develop some confidence.”
Rosalynn Carter

“Remind yourself that you cannot fail at being yourself.”

Wayne Dyer

“If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.” 
Fred Rogers

“Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.” 
Helen Keller

“Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.”
Ellen DeGeneres

“If you’re like me, practicing authenticity can feel like a daunting choice—there’s risk involved in putting your true self out in the world. But I believe there’s even more risk in hiding yourself and your gifts from the world.”
Brene Brown

If you are ready to grow your self-esteem, self-acceptance, and self-worth, the counselors at Star Meadow Counseling are ready to help. Schedule an appointment today at (360) 952-3070 or email us at [email protected].