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Life Hacks For When Everything Feels Hard

Life Hacks For When Everything Feels Hard

by | Jun 16, 2022 | Coping, Depression, General

Mental health challenges like depression, anxiety, and ADHD can make for difficult days. Ideally, with the right combination of therapy, coping skills, or medication, there won’t be so many hard days. But sometimes we hit a rough patch or experience a stressor or change in our functioning that leaves us feeling like even the smallest of tasks are impossible. If you’ve ever been there, you probably know the compounding effect and how hard it can feel to care for yourself and your space. There are many resources about how to manage these things from a longer-term perspective, but what do we do when we’re in the thick of it? Below you’ll find some specific examples, but the idea here is to tailor this general framework to what feels manageable in the moment. 

 

  • Release the expectation of what you “should” be doing
  • Do something even if you can’t do everything
  • Get creative with how it gets done
  • Ask for help 

 

Hygiene

For a lot of folks, showering can feel like a monumental task, so let’s go through some other options. Some people prefer to take a bath, or just turn on the shower and sit to conserve energy. For some, it’s the idea of getting out of the warm water that feels overwhelming, so picking out comfortable clothes or putting a heating pad on a towel to minimize discomfort does the trick. If all else fails, move to dry shampoo and baby wipes. Is it ideal? No. But you’ll feel better than you did before and that’s an accomplishment. 

 

Nutrition

Mental health challenges often directly impact appetite and nutrition; the type, frequency, and scheduling of eating and drinking can feel like a never-ending task. If this is you, think about foods that combine convenience and nutrition. Stock a bedside cart with non-perishable items that fuel your body so there’s no planning or preparing needed when you’re having a harder time. Throw out the rules of what’s expected if it sounds good to you and will give you energy. Lasagna for breakfast? Sure! Ham, cheese, and bread eaten separately but not put together into a sandwich? Why not! Keep a list of low-effort meal ideas on your fridge so that if seeing too many options feels overwhelming you can remove the burden of decision-making. Getting enough water can also be a challenge, so try adding flavor, sucking on ice cubes, stocking up on hydration aids/drinks, filling up one large water bottle for the day, or even bringing a water dispenser into your space.  If you find yourself struggling with nutrition long-term or feel like it is tied to other factors, please reach out to a therapist and/or dietician for help. 

 

Environment 

Many people find their home environment starts to reflect how they are feeling, and can sometimes begin to exacerbate the original difficulty. Again, we’re throwing out the rules that your space needs to look “perfect”, and instead focusing on the word “functional”. Your definition of functional will be individual, but in general, all it means is that you are physically safe and comfortable and can find the things you need with relative ease. Does it matter if your sheets match? Nope, but having sheets would likely feel better. Does it matter if you fold your clothes? No. But it would probably help to sort them into bins so you can find what you need. Does every surface need to be clutter-free? No. But make sure you can comfortably spend time in your home and have space to do other tasks will help them feel more manageable. 

 

Outsourcing

There is inherent privilege in being able to outsource certain care tasks (laundry, cleaning, meal prep, etc.) If you have the means to be able to do those by hiring someone, now may be the time to consider lowering your burden. That being said, for many people this is where asking for help from your supports must come into play. When you’re struggling, asking for assistance can feel embarrassing and shameful, but most people understand the struggle more than you might think. Ask for help in a way that feels manageable, but that would make an immediate improvement in your functioning. Ask your supports if they can grab a few grocery items on their next trip or run an errand for you, if they can take your dog for a walk or cover school pick-up. Some people find it easier to complete tasks for other people, so see if you and and a friend can swap tasks to benefit you both. 

 

These are small changes, and while it may not seem like much at first, showing up for yourself in these incremental ways helps to both provide the energy your brain and body need to move through, but also to signal to your brain that you’re worthy of care. It doesn’t matter how you show up for yourself, only that you do. 

 

 

 

6 Suggestions for Coping with Grief at Work

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by | Jun 17, 2019 | ,

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Pride Month: How to Support Someone Coming Out

Pride Month: How to Support Someone Coming Out

by | Jun 8, 2022 | General, Relationships, Teens

June is Pride Month, so let’s take this opportunity to go over some ways you can support the LGBTQ+ folks in your life if they choose to share their experience with you. Your response should vary based on your relationship dynamic, but in general, these are some rules to follow: 

 

Listen and don’t assume: Every person’s experience is different, so be careful not to assume anything about their experience, needs, or preferences based on what you’ve seen other people do or examples in media. If you don’t know what questions to ask, a simple “tell me more about this” or “what has that been like for you” is a good way to signal you are open to more information and that you want to know their experience. 

 

Ask questions, but don’t expect to be educated: Ask questions about their experience, but if you are not familiar with the LGBTQ+ issues or terminology, be prepared to do some research instead of asking satisfying your curiosity at the expense of your loved one. Have questions related to the specifics of laws, family planning, brain chemistry, etc.? There are so many resources online that you can use instead of placing that burden on a singular person.

 

Don’t center the conversation on yourself: Many people respond with a well-meaning, “you could have told me” or “why didn’t you tell me sooner?”, usually intending to confirm to the person that they would have been open and supportive. Unfortunately, this changes the focus of the conversation to the person needing to apologize or manage your relationship instead of sharing their experience. They are telling you now, and that’s all that matters. 

 

Manage your fears and expectations on your own: Many people, especially parents, immediately start to think about the future when someone comes out to them, and this often focuses on safety and future expectations. Well-meaning people will often say that they are “just worried about how the world will treat you”, or that they “hate that this will make your life harder. LGBTQ+ folks are acutely aware of the discrimination they will face and do not need to be reminded of that. Respond to them the way you wish the world would. 

 

Resist the urge to make a “big deal”: While some folks love the idea of a celebration when they come out, most are just looking to know that your feelings toward them are no different than they were before you knew this part of their identity and that you will support them. While some outward demonstrations of support can be appropriate (things like putting up a pride flag, making requested changes to displayed pictures or items personalized with names, or sending care packages), make sure you also engage in the same things, conversations, and activities you used to do before they came out, remember they are still the same person! 

 

Acknowledge your gratitude: Trusting someone with this information is a huge deal, so be sure to communicate your gratitude that they told you, even if was later than you would have wanted or expected. 

 

Respect their privacy: This information is not yours to share unless you have explicit permission from your loved one. It is theirs to tell on their own, how they want to. So if you’re chatting with extended family members or friends, don’t bring it up (even in a positive light!) unless that person has given their consent. There may be reasons they are not wanting to share this information with certain people, and it undermines their trust in you. 

 

Commit to using correct terminology: If you haven’t had much exposure to LGBTQ+ folks or the community, it might feel like you are overwhelmed with new terminology and “rules”. No one will expect you to get it right all the time at first, but they will expect you to be actively learning and trying. Commit to asking what identifiers your loved one uses, and be willing to correct yourself when you make a mistake. If you do mess up, simply correct yourself and move on. Long, belabored apologies are unnecessary and again put the focus on you and your loved one having to manage your emotions. Here is a resource of common terms to get familiar with: https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms 

 

 

 

 

 

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Be a Better Mental Health Ally: 7 Stigmatizing Phrases and What To Say Instead

Be a Better Mental Health Ally: 7 Stigmatizing Phrases and What To Say Instead

by | Apr 14, 2022 | General, Mental Health, Relationships

Chances are, you’ve either said or heard each of these phrases. While not typically used with ill-intent, imagine for a moment being someone who experiences the mental health challenges described, and how you might interpret these statements. Small, intentional changes to the words we use can have a huge impact on others, so let’s go through some common phrases, why they might be harmful or contribute to stigma, and an easy alternative for each. 

 

  1. I’m so OCD about _____.

 

We all have things we like a particular way, or feel some level of discomfort with if they are not done “properly”. However, OCD is a debilitating disorder that goes way beyond preferences or a bit of discomfort. While some people with OCD have obsessions and compulsions related to cleanliness and organization, there are many different themes, and reducing OCD to fixations on cleanliness dismisses these. 

 

Instead try: It’s really important to me that the kitchen be clean, I feel uncomfortable when it’s messy!

 

  1. Everyone is a little ADD/ADHD.

 

Everyone is forgetful sometimes, struggles to focus on tasks sometimes, and struggles to find motivation sometimes. However, people with ADHD experience symptoms like these (along with many others) every single day, to a level that interferes with their functioning. Again, saying that “we all” have some level of this downplays the challenges people with ADHD face.  

 

Instead try: Wow, I am so forgetful today!

 

  1. They’re so crazy/psycho!

 

People often use these terms to refer to someone displaying erratic or concerning behavior, whether or not it is related to a mental health diagnosis. It’s even used to refer to behavior we just don’t like, or to discredit someone. It is rarely, if ever, used with compassion, and if we are referring to people who are experiencing psychosis, delusions, mania, etc. it’s dismissive of the very real and terrifying experiences these people are going through. 

Instead try: They seem to be struggling to stay connected to reality, I wonder if we can connect them to support?

 

  1. I also experienced ______ and I’m fine!

Trauma affects everyone differently, and we do not get to decide what is traumatic to someone. Research has shown that two people experiencing the same event (car crash, natural disaster, etc.) can have wildly different responses. Your brain’s response does not negate another brain’s different response.

 

Instead try: That sounds like it was terrifying for you, how can I support you?

 

  1. It’s been _____ months/years, you’re not over that yet?

 

Trauma also has no timeline, and isn’t something we “get over”.  With help from tools like therapy, medication, and peer support many people can make incredible strides in healing from what happened to them, but trauma has lasting effects on the brain and nervous system. 

 

This also applies to knowing someone has been managing a mental health diagnosis (OCD, Depression, Anxiety, etc.) long-term. Many people do experience significant improvements to a level where they no longer meet diagnostic criteria or identify previous challenges as a concern, but many people experience chronic mental health challenges that require lifelong management. 

 

Instead try: I know this has been hard, let’s talk about how we continue supporting you. 

 

  1. That person/the weather here is so bipolar!

 

While there are scientific uses for the term bipolar, most people more commonly use this term to casually refer to something/someone that changes rapidly and without warning. Again, speaking this way is dismissive of the intense and terrifying experience of shifting between manic and depressive episodes. 

 

Instead try: The weather changes so quickly here!

 

  1. Kill me/I wanted to die!

 

For people who have experienced suicidal ideation or attempts, hearing other people casually or jokingly say things like this can contribute to the stigma that often stops people from seeking help. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts (even passive ones!) it’s important to mention them so you can find help, but if you’re trying to find an impactful way to describe frustration, embarrassment, or shame, there are better options. Suicidal thoughts are more prevalent than you might think, and shouldn’t be the punchline in a joke. 

 

 Instead try: That was so embarrassing I wanted to run out of the room!

Now that you’re aware of the potentially harmful effects of these phrases, you might be surprised to notice how often you hear them used. To be a better mental health ally, first start but just noticing when you use them or when they come up for you, then try to consciously replace or correct yourself with something like the alternatives listed. Small changes make a big impact!

 

 

 

4 Reasons We Judge Others and How to Break the Habit

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by | Sep 15, 2019 |

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by | Aug 5, 2019 |

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Anxiety and panic attacks are uncomfortable. Sometimes anxiety is so physically uncomfortable that people experience heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, dizziness, difficulty breathing, or faintness. Sometimes anxiety symptoms worry someone so much that they call...

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by | Sep 24, 2018 |

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What to Expect in Your First Counseling Session

What to Expect in Your First Counseling Session

by | Apr 6, 2022 | Counseling

So you made the decision to start therapy. You sorted through lists of available therapists, found Star Meadow, and made an appointment. Congratulations! This is the hardest step, and we’re so proud of you for taking it. For most people who have never been to therapy there is some anxiety about what happens next, so let’s walk through what you can expect.

 

  • Paperwork

Before your appointment, you’ll be sent electronic intake paperwork through a secure platform called Simple Practice. You’ll receive information about informed consent for treatment, your therapist’s privacy policy, financial disclosures, etc. While it might be tempting to breeze through these kinds of documents, please slow down and read them thoroughly! Many of the questions you might have will be answered here, and your therapist will provide space to go over anything you want to discuss further. 

 

You’ll also receive some questionnaires and survey forms. Just like when you go to the doctor’s office, these forms are standardized for everyone so there may be questions that don’t seem relevant to you or why you’re coming in.  There is so much more to you than what we can fit on these intake documents, but they are a good starting place so your therapist knows what things might be important to talk about in your intake session.

 

  • Arriving For Your Appointment

If your appointment is in-person, you will make your way to our office (10000 NE 7th Ave. Suite 403, Vancouver, WA 98685). We have free parking, and you’ll take either the stairs or elevator to the 4th floor. Inside our waiting room, you’ll take a seat until your therapist comes to call you back to their room. 

 

If your appointment is via telehealth, you’ll receive a link from Simple Practice letting you know it’s time to join your appointment. Make sure you’re in a private, comfortable space with your ID handy. Your therapist will ask you to confirm your identity and that no one else is present in the room, and then you’ll get started!

 

  • The Intake Appointment

You made it! If meeting in person, your therapist’s office will have several different seating options; please sit where you feel most comfortable! The beginning of every intake session includes a few more administrative tasks like confirming your insurance details and signing any remaining consent or release forms. The intake process varies between clinicians, but generally, you can expect an introduction and orientation to how they structure their intake sessions, and then an open invitation to let them know what brings you to therapy. If you don’t feel like you know how to sum things up, that’s ok! We’re trained to help guide you, and we will go at your pace. Many therapists ask a series of questions to explore things that might be contributing to how you’re feeling like your family/relationship dynamics, medical history, work or school history, and past experiences. Please know that at any point if you are not comfortable discussing something, it is absolutely appropriate to let your therapist know this. Their goal is to understand what’s happening for you to help you feel better as quickly as possible, but always at your pace. 

 

  • What Happens Next

Some therapists start planning structured goals and identifying a treatment plan right away, while others prefer to set broad goals for now with the idea of defining them as they get to know you more. If you are using insurance, your therapist is required to list a diagnosis. This is what tells insurance to authorize covering your sessions.  Sometimes that is clear in a first session, and sometimes they need to list a more general diagnosis, to be more clearly defined once they work with you more. Please remember that your medical information (which includes mental health documents) is confidential and covered by HIPAA. For more information on this please visit: https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/hipaa-privacy-rule-and-sharing-info-related-to-mental-health.pdf

 

The intake session can feel like a lot of information, but most folks find the second session to be more representative of what therapy with your provider will look like. If at any point you are feeling uncomfortable, want to slow down, or need something different please say so! Therapy is intended to be a collaborative process, and your therapist will be open to feedback about what you need. 

 

 

 

 

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3 Unconventional Ways to Stop a Panic Attack

3 Unconventional Ways to Stop a Panic Attack

by | Mar 31, 2022 | Anxiety, Panic Attacks

Panic attacks feel different for everyone, but typically include sensations like a pounding heart, sweating, a feeling of terror, constricted or rapid breathing, and feeling as though the room is closing in on you or spinning. Regardless of how they present, a hallmark is that the normal things we might do to manage anxiety (deep breathing, CBT strategies, talking with a support person) often don’t work because our bodies and brains are too dysregulated to tap into those skills. If you’ve tried those things when a panic attack comes on and have been frustrated that they seem to not help, or even that they make things worse, you are not alone!  Below you’ll find a few strategies that may be more successful in the midst of a panic attack, and can help get you to a place of nervous system regulation that will make it possible to tap into those other skills. 


  1. Move.

A panic attack is signaling to your brain that there is a perceived threat it wants to get away from as fast as possible. It’s often not practical to truly run from the thing that is causing intense anxiety (a test or work presentation, a social interaction, etc.) but movement helps our brain calm down by reassuring it that if we were truly in danger, we could escape if needed.

 In the height of a panic attack, many people feel frozen even if their brain feels like it wants to run away. Larger movements like walking, jumping, or dancing can be the quickest way to reset the nervous system, however, many people find they are unable to do so in the moment. If that is the case for you, try focusing your energy on the smallest movement you can think of (lifting a finger or toe, wiggling in your chair, pressing your feet into the ground). Let these small movements build to larger movements to get the same calming effect and move through that feeling of being “stuck” or “frozen”. 

 

2. Taste Something Sour.

When experiencing a panic attack, our nervous system is entirely focused on the perceived threat at hand (sometimes people report experiencing “tunnel vision”) and it can feel like our brain and body forget that anything else exists. Eating something sour (or adding surprising sensory input of any kind) can help reset your nervous system into taking stock of what else is happening outside of the threat. You’ll need to follow-up with other coping skills after, but it can be enough to pull you out of the feeling that the panic attack is never going to end. Many people find success keeping sour candies on hand, especially when you’re in locations or situations that are anxiety-inducing.

 

3. Lean In

This one feels counterintuitive, but for many people the quickest way to stop a panic attack is to not try to stop it at all. Anxiety heightens when we try to ignore it. Imagine there was a person telling you the house was on fire, but you repeatedly responded, “no it’s not, it will be fine”. I doubt that person would agree and move on, instead they’d probably start yelling louder and louder until you finally took them seriously. For some people, coping strategies (especially things like distraction or positive statements) heighten anxiety and make panic attacks last longer. Try to imagine the panic attack as a roller coaster or wave, and remind yourself that this is a temporary state with an end point. It doesn’t feel great while it’s happening, but many people are surprised by how quickly they can move through a panic attack this way. 

It’s important to note that everyone responds to coping skills differently, and it can take some trial and error to create a toolbox of skills that work for you. These tips are meant for the immediate management of panic attacks, so if you are experiencing frequent panic attacks be sure to reach out to a therapist who can help you understand what might be triggering them and can work with you to identify strategies for long-term management. 

 

 

 

 

Read our other posts on Anxiety:

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by | Aug 5, 2019 |

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by | Jun 2, 2019 | ,

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